


itterasshai

by vestiges



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Freeform, Happy Ending?, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Pansexual Character, Yamaguchi leaves and tsukishima is left behind, basically a relationship study in a slightly? abstract way, i hope you like italics, lots of flash back, slight mention of a tattoo artist yamaguchi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 06:12:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5817205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vestiges/pseuds/vestiges
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I want to go where you go Tsukki.” </p><p>(Because, when you love someone, you know when to follow and when to stay behind.</p><p>And sometimes, you know when to leave.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	itterasshai

**Author's Note:**

> "itterasshai" translates literally as 'please go and come back' (though we usually rephrase to mean 'have a safe trip')
> 
> enjoy!

His lips tasted like coffee and caramel. Bitter mingling with sweet, a perfect representation of the man himself. There was a certain stiffness to his motions, a tangible uncertainty and proof of inexperience ( _vulnerability_ ), so unlike the smooth glide of mouth on mouth that Yamaguchi was used to. He had kissed many people, girls and boys and those souls that fell somewhere in between or nowhere at all, but nothing felt quite like kissing Tsukishima.

 

There was nothing quite like kissing his best friend.

 

Nothing quite like kissing the man he had loved from the start.

 

…

 

_“Tsukki!” Water saturated the cuffs of Yamaguchi’s jeans, several inches too long (hand me downs from an older cousin; there was only one small tear in the knee that was destined to be torn open wide as the years wore on). “Tsukki!”_

 

_“Don’t call me that.” Tsukishima swiped rainwater from his glasses, attempting to clear his vision but only hindering it further. His umbrella was at home (under his bed, actually, where he’d shoved it and many other miscellaneous items after his mom had told him to clean his room) and Tsukishima’s thin sweatshirt was little protection against the probing rain._

 

_Yamaguchi’s grin beamed up at Tsukishima from under the rim of a yellow umbrella. The shorter boy extended the handle to Tsukishima, who took it and proceeded to hold it aloft, high enough to protect himself but not too high as to leave Yamaguchi exposed to the rain._

 

_“Thanks, Yamaguchi.”_

_“Welcome, Tsukki!”_

_…_

Yamaguchi tasted like nicotine _(when did he start smoking?)_ and spearmint ( _gum to mask the nicotine? If so, not very effective)_. Tsukishima thought it was fitting for his best friend to taste like defiance ( _why else would you smoke, if not to try to defy death, or, maybe defy life)_ masked with something fresh and unassuming. Was there a more accurate description of Yamaguchi? The small boy who once suffered at the hands of others now stood proud and tall and free of all restrictions and judgment. Nothing could hold back Tsukishima’s childhood friend any longer; he truly had found his own way to fly ( _wings, after all, didn’t have to be visible to function; they just had to exist_ ).

 

Yamaguchi didn’t need Tsukki any more.

 

But Tsukki still needed Yamaguchi.

 

Why had it taken him so long to realize that?

 

…

 

_“Where are you going for high school Tsukki?” Yamaguchi’s gaze was intense, belying the smaller boy’s casual body language._

_“Don’t call me Tsukki.” Tsukishima pushed his glasses a little further up the bridge of his nose (they were new, thick and black and kind of awkward compared to his other ones which were also thick and black but old and well-worn). “I’m going to Karasuno. I already passed the entrance exams.”_

_“Karasuno? Isn’t that where Akiteru-san went to school?” Yamaguchi’s freckles covered his whole face, Tsukishima noted, and the ones on his nose scrunched a little when his best friend talked._

_Tsukishima just tucked his hands into his trouser pockets and shrugged. “Where are you going?”_

_“Oh, me? I, uh, haven’t decided quite yet. But maybe I should follow you to Karasuno, ne Tsukki?”_

_Another shrug of thin shoulders. “Go where you want.” Tsukishima pulled his headphones up and onto his ears, effectively ending the conversation. He closed his eyes and tipped back in his chair, head tilted back._

_He missed the soft smile proffered him by Yamaguchi._

_“I want to go where you go Tsukki.”_

_(Because, when you love someone, you know when to follow and when to stay behind._

_And sometimes, you know when to leave.)_

_…_

_His dorm wall was white. Pale, boring white. His roommate’s feet were kicked up on the desk next to Tsukishima, even though it was Tsukishima’s desk and his roommate had his own._

_Takeshi-san was perfectly nice, if not slightly presumptuous. He was one of those friendly types that saw everyone as an immediate candidate for friendship. Tsukishima was not one of those people. And he was not very interested in making new friends._

_“Ne, Tsukki-san? Are you listening?” Takeshi-san nudged Tuskishima with a slippered foot. Tsukishima wanted to shove him away._

_“Don’t call me Tsukki.” There was only one person he allowed that nickname. And that person wasn’t even at the same university._

_That person wasn’t even in the same country any more._

 

_(“Don’t worry Tsukki, we’ll see each other again. It’s only a year. And I’m just in America, one skype session away!”_

_“Shut up Yamaguchi.”_

_“Gomen Tsukki!”)_

_…_

_The school year was long and boring. Tsukishima studied a lot and played volleyball with Kuroo-san. Sometimes Bokuto-san joined them._

_He did not see Yamaguchi for another four years._

_(“Gomen Tsukki, but this internship is really important. I’ll be home again in no time at all!”)_

_…_

( _Through the fuzzy computer speakers, watching a pixelated face move in stilted motion. “Ah, Tsukki, the tattoo parlor offered me an apprenticeship. Just another year, I promise!”_ )

 

…

 

( _“Tsukishima?”_

_“Hai.”_

_“It’s Yamaguchi. I was offered a job. In America. You know, the tattoo parlor I was apprenticing at. It’s a really good oppor—“_

_“Hai.”_

_click.)_

_…_

There’s a cliché that says something like things have to fall apart before they fall together. But Tsukishima thinks that things ( _people_ ) that are meant to be just _are_ ( _no falling apart necessary; how could you let something so precious break?)_. As he tastes Yamaguchi on his tongue and breathes shared air and feels fingers slip through his hair, he thinks that maybe his whole life was just one giant breath held tight in the lungs until Yamaguchi came and taught him how to _exhale_ ( _what more do you need than pride? You have to breathe to live_ ).

 

…

 

_“Tuskki?”_

_“Hai?”_

_“Will you miss me when I’m gone?”_

_“I won’t miss you.”_

_“Oh. Okay Tsukki.”_

_“Baka. If I know you’re coming back, why should I miss you?”_

_“Ah, gomen Tsukki! I understand!”_

_…_

There’s another cliché that says something like if you let go of the thing you love and it comes back to you, then you know that it is truly yours.

 

Tsukishima never had any doubts.

 

_(Because, when you love someone, you know when to follow and when to stay behind._

_And sometimes, you know when to come back)_

**Author's Note:**

> right, so I'm not too sure where I was going with this. very experimental bit of writing here. hopefully you found something in it worth anything. I rather like it, even if is a bit vaguely poetic. thanks for reading!


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